Finally! Science proves that vampires do not exist

twilightbloodiconPhysicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi’s paper “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality” examines the vampire myth and shows that if vampires existed there would be no humans left by today.

Assume that the first vampire appeared on January 1, 1600. At that time, according to data available at the U.S. Census website, the global population was 536,870,911. Efthimiou and Gandhi calculate that the entire human race would have been wiped out by June 1602. They say:

Another philosophical principal related to our argument is the truism given the elaborate title, the anthropic principle. This states that if something is necessary for human existence, then it must be true since we do exist. In the present case, the nonexistence of vampires is necessary for human existence. Apparently, whomever devised the vampire legend had failed his college algebra and philosophy courses.

Of course, this assumes a 100% vampire victim mortality rate and that vampires would not practice a type of birth control like that practiced by the vampire in 30 Days of Night, i.e. decapitating or burning victims bodies.

Hmmmm. Maybe these physicists aren’t quite as smart as they think. I guess our worries about vampires may not be over….


1 Comment

  1. Oh, be worried. Vampires don’t kill when they feed. But they definitely, definitely exist. I’m living with one.

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